10 scientific keys to being more sociable and overcoming shyness
Over time your circle of friends has been reduced. You need a change of scenery and to make new friends, but starting to meet people takes too much effort. It is complicated, you expose yourself to ridicule and most of the time it does not materialize in anything.
But what if I told you that it can be much easier than you think?
No, I'm not going to give you the typical advice like “look confident” or “just be yourself”. You've already tried that and it doesn't work.
The key is to follow the guidelines that have been scientifically proven effective in overcoming your fears and connecting better with people. It is not magic, but if you are constant the results will come sooner than you imagine.
Follow me, because in this article you are going to discover the 10 keys to achieving a more open and sociable personality.
The only reason you should be more social
Can you tell me why it is so important that you make an effort to meet people and keep in touch with your friends?
I think Dr. Waldinger can give you the answer. In an ambitious study that lasted 75 years and involved more than 700 volunteers, Waldinger wanted to find the secret to happiness. But he discovered that neither professional success, health, wealth or fame were essential to be happy.
The most important thing was social relationships.
According to Waldinger, it is our personal relationships that keep us happy and healthy. The more alone someone felt, the more health problems and less life expectancy they had. In another study from the University of North Carolina, a lack of social relationships was even associated with cancer and cardiovascular disease. How To Be More Social
But are you shy or are you an introvert?
Yes, being sociable has many advantages, but only if you really need it.
Do you want to socialize because you need to connect with other people, or just because you're supposed to?
This difference is critical, because there are many people who, despite having few friends, do not feel alone. Note that above I have highlighted felt . It's not a matter of how many friends you have, but how you feel about the friends you have .
Do you know what people who feel good with few friends are called?
introverts. And the problem is that society sells us that we must be extroverted to be happy.
Don't confuse shyness and introversion, because they have nothing to do with it. Shyness is the difficulty in relating to others, while introverts simply prefer to have few friends, but very close.
I, for example, am an introvert but not shy. It's not hard for me to meet people, but when I've spent a couple of hours socializing with a lot of people I get exhausted. I am happy without a large social circle.
Ok, I want to meet people. But strangers are not sociable!
Imagine that it is 7 pm and you are sitting in the subway car on your way home. In front of you is a man in a suit who has been reading the newspaper for several seasons quietly.
A young man of about 30 enters one of the stops. He takes a quick look around the car and sits next to the man who is leafing through the newspaper.
He looks at him, smiles and asks: “How are you? Any interesting news today?”
What do you think? Do you think he's bothering the newspaper man?
Most of us would consider trying to start a conversation in this case disrespectful. And this is one of the main reasons why shy people have so much trouble meeting people: because they think they're going to bother them .
Nothing is further from reality.
In an experiment conducted in the Chicago subway it was shown that, instead of causing discomfort, when someone starts a conversation with us, it generally makes us feel much better than if we continue alone and in silence .
You will always find people who have had a bad day. You can't control that and you should stop blaming yourself for it. But that's not human nature. People are sociable and, in general, it feels good to have a conversation.
With all that said, let's see how you can beat shyness, start conversations, and strengthen your relationships according to science.
How to get rid of shyness
For starters, by stopping referring to yourself as shy.
Whether you think you are or not, the reality is that you suffer from shyness in certain situations. If you were shy "in general" you would have a hard time even with your parents or closest friends.
Most likely, you are shy around strangers or when you have to be the center of attention. So avoid defining yourself as "shy" because all you do is reinforce that idea in your head. There are only situations in which you experience shyness.
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