What exactly is self-love?
There is a lot of discussion these days about self-love. Although it sounds fantastic, what does it actually mean? What is self-love and why is it so important?
Self-love entails fully accepting yourself, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and nurturing your own growth and well-being.
Self-love encompasses not only your behavior toward yourself but also your thoughts and feelings about yourself. So, when you think of self-love, imagine what you would do for yourself, how you would talk to yourself, and how you would feel about yourself that reflects love and concern.
When you love yourself, you have a positive outlook on yourself. This doesn't mean that you always feel good about yourself. That would be impossible! For instance, I can still love myself while being disappointed, angry, or upset with myself. while still loving myself. If this is unclear, consider how this works in other relationships. I can love my son even when I am angry or disappointed with him. Even in the midst of my rage and disappointment, my love for him guides my interactions with him. It enables me to forgive him, consider his feelings, meet his needs, and make decisions that are in his best interests. Self-love is very similar. That is, if you know how to love others, you will be able to love yourself.
What does it mean to love oneself?
The following are some examples of how self-love can be demonstrated.
- Saying encouraging things to yourself
- Forgiving yourself when you make a mistake
- Meeting your own requirements
- Being abrasive
- Not allowing others to exploit or abuse you
- Putting your health and well-being first
- Spending time with people who encourage and support you (and avoiding people who don’t)
- requesting assistance
- releasing grudges or anger that is holding you back
- Recognizing your own abilities
- Putting your feelings first
- The majority of the time, making decisions that are healthy
- Living according to your values
- Pursuing your interests and objectives
- Putting yourself to the test
- Making yourself responsible
- Healthy treats for yourself
- Acceptance of your flaws
- Setting reasonable expectations
- Recognizing your efforts and progress
Why should we love ourselves?
If you grew up without any role models for self-love or without anyone telling you how important it is to be good to yourself, you may question its worth.
Without self-love, you're more likely to be self-critical and succumb to people-pleasing and perfectionism. You are more likely to tolerate others' abuse or mistreatment. You may disregard your own needs and feelings if you do not value yourself. Furthermore, you may self-sabotage or make decisions that are not in your best interests.
Self-love is the foundation for being assertive, setting boundaries and creating healthy relationships with others, practising self-care, pursuing our interests and goals, and feeling proud of who we are.
Narcissism vs. self-love
Aside from the question of whether self-love is truly necessary, another major impediment to self-love is the belief that it is narcissistic or selfish.
When psychologists and therapists encourage self-love, they are not referring to elevating oneself above others. Narcissists believe they are better than others and refuse to acknowledge or accept responsibility for their flaws and mistakes. They also seek additional external validation and recognition. Narcissists lack empathy for others as well.
Self-love, on the other hand, isn't about bragging about how wonderful you are. People who love themselves in a healthy way recognise that they are flawed and make mistakes, but they accept and care for themselves despite their flaws. Self-love does not preclude you from caring about others; it simply means that you can treat yourself with the same compassion that you do for others.
Practicing self-acceptance
When things are difficult, we often avoid them. You might notice yourself thinking things like this:
- After I've taken care of my family, I'll take a break and focus on myself.
- Noticing my emotions and journaling appear to be time-consuming tasks.
- I'm concerned that I won't be able to alter my mind.
- I'd like to be less critical of myself, but I'm not sure how.
- Self-care appears to be self-indulgent.
- I have far too many responsibilities.
- I know this isn't a healthy relationship for me, but I don't want to be alone.
- I've been going for five hours of sleep, so it can't be that bad.
It's natural to feel conflicted about self-love or making any kind of change. However, loving yourself does not imply that you must change every aspect of your life. Simply try to treat yourself better than you did yesterday.
To begin, I recommend that you think of one loving thing you can do for yourself today. It could be a reassuring thought or action. Next, write down what you intend to do and when you intend to do it. Writing it down increases accountability and increases the likelihood of you following through. As you incorporate more loving thoughts and actions into your daily life, some of your self-defeating thoughts and behaviours will begin to fade away. Self-love will become second nature with practice.
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