Recently, I became aware of the idea of emotional permanence. It has to do with believing in feelings that are hidden from view. The concept of object permanence, which asserts Objects exist whether or not they're concealed from view, is where this idea originated. After reading the term, I realized that I have trouble with emotional stability. I also came to the conclusion that the absence of a consistent sense of emotional permanence was a significant contributor to anxiety.
What is emotional permanence?
Emotional permanence, as I've already mentioned, is the ability to believe in other people's emotions even when you are unable to recognize your own. Having a partner is a good example of this. Do you understand and accept that even when your partner is away and unable to tell you they still love you? Most people would reply, "Sure, I believe that, of course."
It's wonderful if this describes you, but emotional ephemerality has a way of trapping people. You may begin to wonder whether your partner truly loves you, perhaps not because of actions but rather because of something in your own mind. Most people, in my opinion, have engaged in this activity once or twice. Most of us desire assurance that our partner values us. Most of us want to be repeatedly told we are loved. If someone tells you, "I love you," it's unlikely that you'll feel that way forever. We all have to deal with some emotional impermanence in this regard because people change, but it's probably healthy.
If You Have Issues With Emotional Persistence
However, some people go through more emotional turbulence than others. Just as babies don't comprehend that their parents exist when they are out of the sight, some people don't believe in their partners' emotions when they can't see them (object permanence is a learned skill, and it happens between the ages of four and eight months). This may be one of reasons why some people with mental illnesses, such as borderline personality disorder, require so much assurance. However, it is complicated in borderline personality disorder because people with that condition frequently experience real or imagined abandonment anxiety. As a result, if you depend on your partner for affection, reassurance, or confirmation of your love all the time, it's possible that you're bothered by emotional permanence.
What Causes a Deficit in Emotional Permanence?
It's challenging to say because, as far as I can tell, this concept hasn't been the subject of any significant research. However, I do have a theory. A situation where a person's emotions frequently changed to point where they could not be trusted would seem to cause them to develop a sense of emotional impermanence. When a person's words and actions frequently and noticeably conflict, I think that is similar.
A "two-faced" person could foster an environment where emotional impermanence thoughts can develop. Or a controlling partner who repeatedly purchases flowers for you and professes his love for you while beating you (this is common in abuse cycles). I contend that experiencing one of these environments as a child would cause you to doubt the constancy of emotions.
I believe that depression causes people to question the strength of their emotions. Feeling unloved is a very common symptom of depression. Many times, depression makes a person feel as though they have never been loved. Naturally, when your partner is in front of you and declaring "I love you," this can help you fend off the cruelty of depression, but when they aren't, the depression roars back to life.
Constant Feelings and Anxiety
And regrettably, anxiety might be your constant companion if you have trouble controlling your emotions. For instance, if you don't believe your partner loves you when you can't see them, you'll feel a lot of anxiety. Imagine constantly doubting your love for your partner until you are able to see them and hear them say it again. Both parties find that to be extremely difficult. I could see how anxiety, which in turn would breed a lack of emotional permanence, would breed lack of understanding of emotional permanence. It is, regrettably, a two-way street.
Increasing Understanding of Emotional Permanence
Both the idea of fixing it and the idea of emotional permanence are not really discussed. Talking to your partner about it is, in my opinion, the most important step. Your partner will better understand why you might come across as "needy" if you talk about this.
Open and honest communication should always be the norm, but in my opinion, it's more important to pinpoint and deal with the root of your problems with emotional stability. Yes, it could be a side effect of a disorder like major depressive disorder or borderline personality disorder, but it could also be a holdover from your past. You need to be very true to yourself if you want to fix this. Finding out what's bothering you may be helped by talking to a therapist.
Finally, I implore you to deal with your concern over emotional stamina. Use logic to overcome an irrational situation. Your partner confessed his love to you two days ago, but he has been away on business ever since. Is it reasonable to assume that he has changed his feelings for you in just two days because he isn't with you any longer? No, not at all. You are going through an irrational but genuine emotion. Use your mind to overcome your brain in this situation. You shouldn't assume something is true just because you feel it. When you feel unloved, your brain sends a signal, not because your partner has stopped loving you. True signal, it is. The feeling is sincere. The situation is not as it actually is, despite what your brain is trying to tell you.
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