Happy Parenting!!
For the record, I come from a generation that has grown up with a traditional carrot-and-stick approach where the words “discipline” and “punishment,” even corporal, was common thing. There was yelling, spanking, timeouts, attempts to adjudicate the sibling tussles — and definitely rulings in favour of one over the other.
Traditional Indian families tend to discipline their children in a more aggressive and “I know what’s right” manner than most typical western families. A slap now and again, spanking, and the use of the all-famous “Chappal” is considered completely normal in many Indian families. Children are rarely coddled or allowed to misbehave in any way, especially in public.
Parents today are now acquainted with the concept of gentle parenting from other parents on Facebook or WhatsApp groups, where they’ve learned from the experiences of their contemporaries across the globe. Gentle Parenting has been described as an approach that is based on respecting one’s child and letting him/her know that they and their feelings are of prime importance. Parents are required to communicate clearly with their children and earn their respect and obedience through connection rather than punishment. While none of these parents can precisely define gentle parenting, they all do agree on one thing – it is more about working with your child, addressing his/her issues, and making him/her see your point of view.
Now we cannot control how a child interprets something, yes what we can control is our reaction to it. My default setting is to scream, so this takes a lot of intentional effort and unlearning. Research says that authoritarian parenting and resorting to beating and yelling always have serious repercussions. Children tend to bury them in their subconscious mind and eventually they come out where they shouldn’t. There are instances where children have projected this violence onto somebody else, basically passing the buck.
As a patriarchal culture, Indian families are generally based on decisions made by male family members. Women are responsible for domestic duties and daily childcare tasks. Many Indian families live together in a multi-generational household (joint families), with children living with their parents until, and sometimes even after, marriage.
In rural India, families utilize parenting techniques quite differently than in modern Indian culture. For example, home remedies are generally used more often than medicines. There is a significantly lower number of childhood vaccinations given. Some rural Indian families go to the extent of administering opiates to their children on a regular basis to modify and control their behaviour. It is also a common expectation for children as young as 6 or 7 years old to work in the fields every day or look after infants at home to contribute to family life.
Today, when a child grows up in a culture or household that gives a certain amount of freedom, he/she expects that the given amount of freedom is customary in society and takes it for granted. Because of this, parents often notice differences between cultures, children from some cultures are clearly more independent while others are more reliant on their families, especially the male members. One clear example of this is how Western cultures give many freedoms to growing teens, allowing them to drive and hold part-time jobs, which is not a common sight in India. The culture a child grows up in can therefore influence how quickly he/she becomes independent. Anyway, with the kind of exposure the children of today are experiencing, we parents have to keep Pace or lose the Race. Happy Parenting!
International Delhi Public School, Kushmi, Kushmi, Gorakhpur
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